these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
