can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
send nudes
from the living room?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
