Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
