If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
