I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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