this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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