So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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