Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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