i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
