I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Randomize
