Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
