still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
When are your genitals available?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
