So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
