dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
