I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
