I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
