sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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