Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
