Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
