Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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