Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
