"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize