Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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