yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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