if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Randomize
