Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
