Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
