If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
