im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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