Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
