you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
this will be a night to untag.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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