He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
