The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize