I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
