He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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