Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
