Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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