Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize