Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
