I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
