im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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