i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
