i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
