u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
