Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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