Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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