i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize