I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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