All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
