I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
