my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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