So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
