we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He? As in you personified your dick?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
