i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
