All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
His nipple licking is glorious
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