i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
