All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
