I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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