Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
