if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I wish there were birth control emojis
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
