quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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