i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
