I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
