3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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