We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Dicks are not precious.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
