I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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