When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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