I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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