it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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