I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
