You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize