How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
