I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
