Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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