Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
sex in a hospital.. check
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize