I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
