So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
