I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
